The reality of Imposter Syndrome in the tech world
From "Hello World" to Imposter Syndrome
Let’s take a trip down memory lane, most of us have felt this before. It's your first time writing a line of code, the feeling that engulfs you when you write your first "Hello World" program in a particular programming language.
The joy, the relief, that thrill you get. You're proud of yourself, right? But suddenly, you see the beautiful pieces of code art other devs put out there. You’ve tried, pushed yourself to get better, day in, day out, and yet you're still not where you want to be. Annoying, right? That’s when you start feeling down, that joy turns to sadness, that pride turns to something you can't describe. No matter how much you try, you're not just getting it, nothing you do seems right, you start beating yourself up, start judging yourself as inadequate. What have you not done? What are you not getting right? That's when the feeling of self-hate begins, you start feeling left out, you feel like you can't fit in. You criticize yourself.
Psychologically, you feel out of place. Mentally you think, "am I capable of becoming as skilled as they are?"
With time, the rate at which you learn and grasp concepts begin to dwindle; “why bother, it's not like I'll ever become good enough”. You lose confidence in your capabilities and yourself. You shy away from every opportunity that comes your way but still, you write code, not with the determination of one day mastering the art, or with a goal in mind, but as a chore which you just happen to be doing. Why?
The answer is simple, you enjoy reveling in the feeling of inadequacy and self-pity.
With time you keep hiding the talent in yourself and keep getting sad. Coding becomes a habit, a chore done with mixed feelings with no apparent benefit insight. This is the story of a good number of code newbies.
Low Self-esteem kills fast I tell you. It will limit you and kill you faster than you could ever imagine. In times like this, you need to have self-talk and ask what you want.
A good number of us sacrifice a lot of things to be in tech. The financial capacity to acquire a good workstation, alternative power supply, mobile data, joining communities, and keeping tabs with information in the tech world.
These are motivations for getting back on track. It can sometimes be pretty depressing seeing peers with whom you started the coding journey going ahead of you. Yes, we are happy for them, but it can be depressing. Sometimes, we have to shut people out and take time to reflect on what “I think”, “I want”, “I need” and move on. It is ok to cry when we hurt, but we have to eventually wipe away our tears and move on.